Slytherin Shenanigans
by 630leosa
Summary: A collection of Albus and Scorpius spin-off Drabbles, set during 'Not All Slytherins'
1. Pancakes

So, my beta reader (Yellowemerald) got bored... and hungry... and ended up writing a chapter about pancakes.

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There was a sharp tap on the door. Albus groaned and pulled the duvet over his head in an attempt to ignore it. He was still tired from the night before, and there was no way he was going to get up unless there was a bloody good reason.

"Potter!" The voice was vaguely familiar. "Oi, Potter, get up already! It's time for breakfast, and we always get pancakes for the first day. It's traditional to try and pinch some before the Gryffindors wake up… If you want any, you've gotta come now!"

Pancakes? Well, that was a good enough reason.

Albus sat up, rubbed the sleep from his eyes and called out "I'll be there now!" to the voice outside his door. He tugged off his crumpled shirt and grabbed a fresh one from his trunk. He'd fallen asleep before he had chance to unpack, so it had a few creases in it, but there was no helping that now. With the clean shirt on, he probably looked presentable enough for breakfast.

He ran a hand through his hair nervously - it was as if he hadn't got the memo about the whole house using Sleekeazy's Hair Potion, so his hair's slight unruliness was suddenly weighing on his mind a lot more than it ever had before. He didn't even look like a Slytherin student, never mind feel like one!

"C'mon, Potter, I'm starving!"

"Oh, right!" Albus grabbed his wand, tugged on his shoes and robe, and unlocked the door to see Scorpius Malfoy leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, looking impatient. His hair was perfectly smooth (of course) and he seemed totally rested, if a bit annoyed with Albus.

"Finally! Let's get a move on - I've heard they put pumpkin sauce on the pancakes if you're early enough." He strode confidently down the corridor, with Albus half-jogging to catch up to him.

The scent of baking filled the corridor that Malfoy dragged him down, and Albus closed his eyes to inhale it, nearly colliding with a stack of barrels next to the wall as he walked.

Before he could ask whether they were going the right way for the Great Hall, Malfoy halted in front of a picture depicting a large bowl of fruit.

_I get that he needs breakfast, but he'd better not try to eat that._

Malfoy took out a scrap of yellow paper and muttered something before reaching out to tickle the pear in the still life. The frame swung away from the wall to reveal a large room filled with house-elves. Albus looked around for the one called Slinky, but he couldn't see her. Malfoy had already walked in, and a small cluster of house-elves had formed around the blond boy.

"Can we help Master Malfoy?"

"Hello, everyone. We could smell breakfast cooking from outside, and it must be delicious - is there any chance we could have ours a bit early?" Albus marvelled at how polite his new acquaintance was to the cooks. It didn't sound like the Scorpius who'd bossed him around earlier at all.

"You like Snarky's pancakes? You must have some, then! Please wait here." One of the house-elves rushed to a stove and returned with a plate stacked with pancakes a foot tall. "Here, Master Malfoy sir - would you like sauce with that? We have lemon, strawberry or…" the house-elf lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "we even have the most excellent Mardy's pumpkin sauce, made from her own secret recipe - but you mustn't tell anyone that you've tasted it. Otherwise they'll all want some, and we only have a few barrels left!"

"The pumpkin sauce sounds great, and don't worry about it. My lips are sealed, Mister…?"

"Yampy, sir, at your service Master Malfoy sir."

"Mister Yampy. May I ask you for the same for my housemate over there? He's a little shy." Malfoy gestured back at Albus, who was half-hidden in the shadows of the doorway. Albus waved awkwardly at Yampy, who immediately scurried off to procure some breakfast. The other house-elves went back to work, sensing that the guests were being catered for. Albus walked over to Malfoy in astonished admiration.

"Wow, Malfoy, that was amazing! How d'you know about this secret pumpkin sauce in the first place?" Albus whispered, not wanting to disturb the cooks.

"I have friends in high places - that is, I heard some sixth-years talking about it last night and it reminded me of something I heard from Knuckles and Fists at the feast… how to get into the school kitchens. Put two and two together, and here we are! I reckon we must be some of the only first-years to know about this, so don't say a word when we go back, alright?"

"Of course I won't. Why'd you wake me up, though?"

"Well, I figured I owed you for your help earlier. Plus, if I'd got my foot stuck in the stairs I wanted someone there to help me out before a Prefect found me." Malfoy rolled his eyes, but he was only half-joking. The Slytherin first-years had no idea which stairs had that legendary characteristic, as they'd only gone down to the dungeons the night before. All the other Houses would have been guided upstairs by Prefects, so they'd know which steps to jump, while the Slytherins would be caught unawares. Albus vaguely wondered if the architects had designed things that way on purpose to stop Slytherin newbies from being tempted to break the rules and explore at night…

Before Albus had a chance to reply, an equally huge stack of pancakes wobbled its way over to him, accompanied by a floating jug of gently steaming orange liquid bobbing through the air. Both stopped in front of him, and he grinned.

"Thank you, Mister Yampy. You're very kind. These look fantastic!"

"You're welcome, Master Potter sir. Yampy hopes you both enjoy them!" The cheerful house-elf set down the pumpkin sauce with a flick of his hand and scampered off to help a pair of house-elves arrange a bowl of fresh fruit for a centrepiece.

The boys sat down cross-legged on the floor, balancing the plates in their laps. Albus peered over the top of the wobbly tower of pancakes at Malfoy, who was carefully pouring the sauce onto his breakfast. He glanced up, catching Albus's eye, and held out the jug. Albus grinned and poured a bit onto the top pancake, preferring to try it first instead of assuming he'd like it. The stuff was in short supply after all.

His first bite of the pumpkin sauce-filled bundle was not what he'd expected at all. It had all the rich flavour of a roast pumpkin, the tanginess of pumpkin juice and the delicious, mood-lifting sweetness of Butterbeer mixed with a slightly spicy aftertaste.

"This tastes brilliant!" He tipped the rest of the sauce onto the pancakes without further delay. If breakfast was this good, he wouldn't need lunch anyway.

"What did you expect?" Malfoy raised his eyebrows and smiled at Albus. "The Hogwarts chefs are some of the best in the country - kids never look at Muggle school dinners in the same way after eating here."

"No wonder!" Albus popped another pancake into his mouth, and chewed it contentedly. They really were fantastic. He swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "These are the best pancakes I've ever tasted! I can't believe - " _that the Gryffindors never thought of sneaking in to get some _"how lucky I am you told me about this. Thanks, Malfoy - I owe you one!"

"It's fine, I'd still be trying to hop around the common room if it wasn't for your _Alohamora_ spell - I'd say we're even. Just remember that if you see me stuck on the trick step, you've got to help me out - got that, Potter?"

"Sure. Same goes for me if I get stuck - the last thing I need is James teasing me for weeks on end about my lack of Slytherin cunning to escape it."

When they'd both finished eating, they thanked Yampy and sent their compliments to Mardy and Snarky before setting off back down the corridor with the barrels. It didn't take them long to nearly bump into some fifth-years heading towards the kitchens - they only avoided being seen by Albus's quick thinking in dragging Malfoy behind a large statue of a rotund witch holding a cauldron when he heard voices coming around the corner.

"And I've heard the pancakes are delicious, you know…"

The Slytherin boys nearly burst out laughing when they heard the Gryffindor girl say that, and neither of them would make eye contact until the other students were long gone for fear of getting the giggles and attracting attention.


	2. Pixies

This is another story written by my wonderful Beta-reader (Yellowemerald) - If she writes any more I think I'll have to start calling the story a collabaration because seriously, she comes up with just as much of the story as I do!

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When they reached the entrance to the common room, they were almost knocked over by Anastasia as she rushed away from the doorway.

"What's the rush, Ana?" Malfoy asked, raising an eyebrow. Ana, usually so poised and confident, looked like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. Her eyes darted from Scorpius to the door, then down the hallway, then back to the door - she was barely able to keep still. To top it all off, someone had drawn a series of lines on her forehead with eyeliner, creating the odd effect of a constant wrinkly frown.

"Cornish bloody pixies, that's what! Knuckles and Fists had caught some, ready to release in History of Magic, when some first-year idiot went tearing down the corridor and knocked the cage to the floor. It's absolute chaos. The Prefects are going to _kill _us if we don't fix things before they get back… I've got to go and find some help. Don't even think about going in there, boys - you wouldn't stand a chance against those pests." With that, she broke into a run and sprinted down the hallway and out of sight.

"Cornish pixies, huh?" Albus grinned. "I bet Knuckles and Fists are kicking themselves."

"Hey, it's not just their problem y'know. _All_ Slytherin students share a collective responsibility for the common room and bathrooms. If the pixies wreck everything, we either get fines or detention from the Prefects. If a _teacher_ finds out, we're facing five points deducted from every single student, plus an hour-long detention of their choice."

"Seriously? But it's not even our fault!"

"In Slytherin, it's every wizard for himself. That's why the system's so harsh - it stops people from going to extremes to get one over on each other, and it forces them to work together for the common good. It's like a failsafe for House unity."

Malfoy looked anxiously at the closed door. Muffled thuds, curses and grunts were occasionally audible, along with a high-pitched screech of 'Tim, you absolute troll! Don't use my tights as a net!' He sighed. "Though I can't say it boosts people's opinions of one another."

Albus pulled out his wand and crept towards the door. Malfoy stared at him in disbelief. "What the hell d'you think you're doing, Potter? Didn't you hear Ana?"

"I just want to take a look, that's all. I've heard stories about Cornish pixies from my dad…"

"But they're impossible to control! Teachers are banned from bringing them into classrooms 'cause this one time some idiot thought he'd leave a bunch of second-years to deal with them, and one kid ended up hanging off a chandelier!"

"So you've heard that story too, then!"

"Potter, we don't stand a chance if we go in there! We haven't even had a single lesson yet… We'd be less use than a pair of Muggles against those things." Malfoy quickly moved to block the entrance. "We're going to wait out here until it's over."

There was a sudden screech from the common room. Malfoy turned to see what was going on, and he was nearly knocked over as a pair of second-years burst out.

"Run, run!" The boy urged them, as the girl dragged him headlong down the corridor. Malfoy stared after them for a few seconds, then turned to face Albus, saying "C'mon, Potter, you heard him - " only to be faced with an empty space where the other boy had been, and a creak as the common room door swung shut. Malfoy stared in disbelief.

"He went in there, you know." A portrait of a cheerful-looking portly wizard gestured helpfully towards the door.

"…I realised."

"Jolly brave of him, I thought." The wizard beamed a benevolent smile at the scowling blond, who rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't the smartest thing to do, now was it? It's a wonder he wasn't Sorted into Gryffindor with that kind of stupidity…"

"I notice that you haven't run away, despite it being foolhardy to remain here. Perhaps you're more alike than you think." The portrait nodded wisely. "If I were you, I'd stop dithering and go help out already."

"Oh, shut up!" Malfoy snapped. The man walked out of his frame with an indignant air and disappeared. "Idiot." Malfoy muttered as he drew his wand and walked towards the common room door. He wasn't even sure if he meant the wizard in the portrait, Albus, or himself…

As he entered the common room, trying to draw as little attention to himself as possible, he saw Albus leaping into the air to grab hold of a blue imp-like creature. It wriggled in his grip as he crashed onto a sofa, biting his fingers and clawing desperately at the upholstery in a bid for freedom. Albus hung onto it determinedly, wincing at the pain, and wrestled it into a cat-carrier that had two of its comrades trapped in it already.

Malfoy gaped at the scene. Had Albus really managed to capture them single-handed? Looking around, he noticed a few wizards aiming spells at the pixies, but their targets were moving too quickly and their spells bounced off the stone walls ineffectually.

He waved his wand experimentally. Nothing happened.

"So much for that idea…" He muttered, stowing his wand in his pocket. He grabbed the remains of a splintered chair leg as a makeshift weapon and waited for a pixie to fly towards him.

_Just like a Bludger, that's all…_

He swung. The pixie was sent flying backwards, smacking into the wall with a dull thud. It sank to the floor, too dazed to get up.

"Over there, Potter, by the fireplace!" Malfoy shouted, leading Albus to notice his presence (and stare for a split second) before going to retrieve the stunned pixie and shoving it in with the others. "What're you doing here? I thought - "

But what Albus thought was drowned out by the outraged shrieks of a group of pixies, who ceased zooming around a pair of witches with a roll of Spellotape and hurtled straight towards Albus. The noise must have drawn their attention to his capture of the injured pixie. Apparently, they'd realised that their numbers were dwindling and had decided to free their comrades.

Malfoy groaned, and sprinted towards Albus, who had pulled out his wand and was waving it desperately - with no effect save for a shower of red sparks. The pixies flew straight at his face. Malfoy dived, knocking Albus over before the pixies could get their razor-sharp claws into him. The pixies, speeding forwards, tried to slow down before hitting the wall but ended up crashing into one another in a pile-up and _then _smacking into the wall. As one, they slumped to the ground.

Malfoy, who was still pinning Albus down, breathed a sigh of relief and got to his feet awkwardly. He was definitely going to have bruises the next day. He hefted the splintered wood in his hand, looking around for any stragglers. When no blue mischief-makers were forthcoming, he dropped it.

"Ow!" Albus complained, rubbing at his elbow where the bat had hit him.

"Oh. Er, sorry about that." Malfoy had the good grace to look apologetic and offered Albus a hand up. The dark-haired boy stared at his hand.

"Um, your hand… It's full of splinters." He mumbled, scrambling to his feet to get a better look. "Merlin's beard, Malfoy, that must _hurt!_"

Malfoy looked down at his hand. Sure enough, there was a forest of splinters that had taken root where he'd held the chair leg. Now that the adrenalin was wearing off, he could feel them starting to sting.

"Damn!" He muttered. Albus was staring at it too, looking worried. "Guess that's what comes from playing the hero, huh, Potter? Hey, didn't the pixies get you, too?" Malfoy used his uninjured hand to grab one of Albus's. Sure enough, there was an array of scratches, some of which were quite deep. There was blood oozing from most of them. "Oh, bloody hell… We'd better go to the hospital wing." He paused, frowning. "Any idea where it is?"

Albus cleared his throat. "Er, no, but can you - "

"What about you two?" Malfoy called over to the two witches, who were trying to disentangle themselves from their sticky Spellotape bonds.

"Sure, it's on the third floor."

"Thanks. Are you okay to clear up this mess while we go and see Madame Pomfrey?" Malfoy gestured around the ruined common room with his splintery hand. One of the witches gasped in sympathetic pain. The other just nodded.

"Yeah, you should do that. We'll take care of this lot," she said, walking over to the heap of stunned pixies and dumping them unceremoniously in the cat carrier. "Don't you worry, boys."

Albus cleared his throat again.

"Do you need a throat sweet or something, Potter?"

"No, it's just… You still haven't let go of my hand." Malfoy followed his gaze. He was right. The blond quickly released his grip on Albus's hand.

"Uh, sorry. Right, let's go." They hurried away from the scene of destruction. In the corridor, a rotund wizard watched them walking away from his portrait with a self-satisfied smirk. He was right, they were more alike than they thought.


End file.
